Panchito‘s Diary

I might not be the most positive writer. Big surprise. Thats not because I want too.

Its the way I am.

I’m critical. But also joyful. I just want to reflect on before I enjoy something.

But also I feel with delay. Im very “crisis oriented” so i react cool and ready to make decisions. Then the later me, will have to handle the emotional weight. 

Im not sure if they agreed on that, but is effective for our survival in this hard world.

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Oh! The posssitive coment, i almost forgot.

I literally made my dreams come true.

I wanted to travel abroad, to learn more languages, to be an artist, to be able to draw what i want. To make music, to have some instruments and tools for my creativity . To be loved. To kiss. To have friends. To make with my body and image what i want.

To experience concerts, parties, sex, beach escapades, to be in love.

To be liked, supported and valued for what i am. To lean more and to get out off depression.

I have meetings with the “me’s” of other years. And all of them are proud and wilful for whats coming next.

I lived through a lot. And i am afraid that my future will be different, and thats fine, because its gonna be my decision. And most probably illne very inspired by the future me. 

I might not be troy bolton, lady gaga, indiana jones, heidi, matt bellamy or don bosco. But I’ve become something that I like. When people say “u cant do that” i dont need my parents to tell me that I can, now I (almost) always know.

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U know. I love very hard.

My love has changed ways with the time, but it has always been hardcore.

Now I just want to diversify this love. Been already working on that. 

I hope only i would be able to love even more in the future.