Panchito‘s Diary

A dating Person asked me once to have sex in spanish even tho she does not understand a word. 

She also compared my Name to “Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramírez” (from the Zack and Cody show)

Another Person I used to date, dated almost exclusively Latinx People while and after beginning a relationship with me. 

I am “A minority”, so its not that easy to do that, she called it a coincidence, I called it a Tendency.

One of my arts professor, denied the entrance of a new student, when i asked why she told me, the latinx quota is full. With me as a Male (also dead adjective) and with the girl from chile in the class.

People in the arts tended to call my colors “happy” and try to tied them to Ecuador. Those artworks were made in my deepest point of depression, but people saw the colors and not the meaning. So I decided to work only in Black and White.

Every fucking Sunny/hot day in Germany I hear the same commentary when I comment on the weather; “but nos as hot as where u come from right?” 

When i cook something that is not a Schnitzel-Pommes ill be asked, is that something from where u come from? No, thats fucking Ramen, Karen.

And lets not begin to talk about the mighty “but YOU ALL eat spicy right?

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Im not only my heritage and skin colour, im Francis before being “El Francisco” (very dead name by the way, dont call me like that)

Im the identity that i choose, then im the one that im not.

None the ive been (and am) exotified some times as u can see. 

Those times i feel like a hot latinx keychain to have around and get commented on every now and then then. 

Reduced to the novelty and quirkyness.

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I am a trans person. Because i dont identify in the Binary System that i got assigned at birth. That path took me a fucking while.

I work on me every single day; on my values, morals, past, present and future.

A when im the most nervous that i might get called something that i am not. I will be reminded that the first thing that people see is not my work in myself, but my tanned skin.