Panchito‘s Diary

Oddly enough Im a faulted human. My blond is not natural and my mother tongue is not English nor German.

Im a person with a good family, good friends, good partners and everything in between! I am thankful everyday for that. I would not be here if it were not for u all reading this.

There are but things that might not be very attractive of me, even repulsive might some say.

My objective is not to justify my behaviour, because I dont need nor want when not asked to. The plan is to repent a little, because I have lost 5 friendships in 5 months. No, im not speedrunning anything. Im just in a constant flux of changes and so do u and everyone else. What once began will end, that’s the only true nature of existence.

So I will try to humanise by repenting a little bit on remembrances of things that did not end well.

Sorry for being stubborn, its a coping mechanism, I try to be strong willed, my dreams and way of life are alternative on a very conformist society, so I had to put on this mask that makes me unbreakable so I can survive enough to be taken seriously, connect and inspire others. It’s in my genes too, the most stubborn guys I know, happen to have the same last name as I do. My socialisation is also a big problematic ball of sins to disentangle, I was raised as a man and I still have to relearn how not to be that, but just how to be empathetic and not performative.

We know we all have struggles and at the same time when we struggle we tend to forget that the other ones might too. I must sadly say I have a main character complex, funny enough, it’s normal, cuz we all are the main characters of our lives. No problem with that. My sin is to forget that sometimes my loved ones are not only support, but also faulty people as me, that need my care, attention and that all that they give me.

I try my best, that’s my conclusion. Sometimes that’s compatible with some of u, sometimes is not. and that’s okay. there is enough dogs outside, u dont have to attach to this crazy lazy chubby chihuahua with crooked teeth and a big bark, deep bite.

Sorry Jaana, Nina, Lena, Neni, Tabea, Sigrid and all of u that are still there.

I mourn u, but I wish u all the best.

I want to love more and to hate less, this are scary times. Together we are stronger.