Panchito‘s Diary

Fear of the dark

I ve been never alone my whole life (kinda funny cuz i felt alone my whole life) It was therefore complicated and there was never a time that i slept with nobody at home.

I shared my bedroom with my brothers for 18 years. I ve lived in shared flats for the last 8 years. The presence of people was always there. So when nobody is around to sleep in the same home. I have a fear of the dark.

Some days ago after a overwhelming day and night, i felt and imagined some figure, just walking trough the door and kneeling showing me its pale face.

Some hours later I thought i felt something watching me at the corner and this one did not approached, just stared at me as if i had spinach in my teeth. 

These figures are scary, but they are not mean, they want something, but not my soul or ass.

Are those my fears of being alone? And only appear when im alone? Am i afraid of the dark, because then i can see myself without distortion? When im in society do i lose my fears? Am i stronger of do i just have a façade that is bright for everyone but me?

Do these scary figures just want company as i do? Do they just want to join me in bed? Do they wanna cuddle? Why do i fear them then?! I should let them in. I need to befriend them, they might have some cold feet that need some body warmth.

I will try. I had a lot of confrontations and changes lately, so one more might be okay.

BUT DONT EVER THINKS I WILL OVERCOME MY SLUG PHOBIA

Just today as I was riding my bike, i saw one moving across the bike road. I screamed and people around me where shocked. I was just shouting „fick mein leben“ for a couple minutes straight.